Jealous
by EndlessDreamer1024
Summary: It's hard for me to say I'm jealous of the way you're happy without me. - Jealous, Labrinth.


**A/N: This fic was inspired by the song Jealous, sung by Labrinth, particularly the chorus:**

 **'Cause I wished you the best of**

 **All this world could give**

 **And I told you when you left me**

 **There's nothing to forgive**

 **But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was**

 **Heartbreak and misery**

 **It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way**

 **You're happy without me**

Cookie stood holding the embossed invitation in her hands. The invitation suite itself was beautiful and Anika's name stood out among the gold lettering on the thick paper. Though the script was beautiful, it's message tore into Cookie's heart. Anika would be marrying her fiancee in six weeks' time and Cookie wasn't ready.

She felt foolish for thinking that this day would never come. Anika was happy. It wasn't as if she had been keeping tabs on Anika, per se, but she hadn't even heard that Anika had gotten engaged. It didn't matter though because confirmation of Anika's upcoming nuptial was staring her in the face.

It stung.

It _hurt._

Maybe if she stared at the invitation long enough, the name would change.

It never did.

She hadn't realized how long she had been standing in the same spot, trying and failing to erase Anika's name from the invitation until Lucious snuck up behind her took it of her hand.

"I guess ol' girl finally moved on from us, huh baby?" he said with a kiss on her cheek. Nevermind that he was speaking about a woman that he'd almost made a Lyon himself. Her own relationship with Anika was a poorly-kept secret, not important enough in Lucious' mind to warrant a second glance at the piece of paper that stuck nerves in Cookie she didn't know she had.

"I guess so," came out in a whisper so low he almost didn't hear her.

"Aww, shit, Cookie. You're not jealous are you? Mad that Boo Boo Kitty is making her way down the aisle without you?"

Cookie finally tore her gaze away from the cardstock and looked up at Lucious. The look in his eyes betrayed the mirth he attempted in his voice.

"Boy, please! If anybody is jealous it's you. Remember, she left your punk ass long before we got together. Besides, _I_ left _her_ for you. Anika getting married has nothing on us, baby." Her words were a bit too forceful but it was enough to placate him.

"That's right," he said wrapping his arms around her waist. Cookie responded in kind by wrapping her arms around his neck. "Anika could never touch what we've got. You are my forever, I meant that. My heart beats for you, Cookie."

Cookie kissed his words away, partially touched by his words and partially in effort to silence him. They were the same words he'd told her the day he came to her apartment before they'd had sex right there on her living room floor. He was her forever, she was his, and damn anyone else who tried to come between them. They were the same words she parroted to Anika, effectively ending them and shattering whatever trust lay between them.

 _"He's my forever, Anika."_

 _"Fuck forever, Cookie! I love you!"_

 _Cookie shook her head; she was trying so hard to let Anika go but she was trying so hard to stay._

 _"It's not the same, baby. What Lucious and I have...there's so much there. I couldn't even explain it if I tried. Lucious has my heart and I have his. It beats for him."_

 _By then Anika had resorted to begging which was making an already horrible situation worse. They were standing in the very room where Lucious had reclaimed his forever and it was making her sick having Anika beg for something Cookie couldn't give her. Anika grabbed at her hands and held them tightly. Cookie tried to pull away but Anika only held on tighter._

 _"Tell me you don't love me and I'll go."_

 _"Anika-"_

 _"No! Look at me and tell me you don't love me. That whatever we have is a lie and I'll let you go."_

 _Anika's grip on her hands slackened and Cookie reached up to cup the other woman's face. "I'm sorry, Anika, I truly am. I hope you find your forever...it's just not me."_

She wished she could forget the pain on Anika's face as she left Cookie's apartment and her life. It was selfish of her to think that Anika would wallow in her heartbreak forever. The wedding invitation alone assured her that she hadn't. She found her forever just like Cookie told her she hoped she would.

"Mmmm..and you better not forget it," Cookie replied as she unwrapped her arms from around Lucious' neck. She turned away from him to stuff the rest of the invitation suite back in the envelope.

"So are you going?"

Cookie was surprised, "You want to go?"

Lucious laughed out loud, "naw, she didn't invite me." Cookie turned the envelope over to see it addressed solely to her. She took out the RSVP card and looked it over. Anika didn't even give her an option of having a plus one! A small smirk appeared on her face. Anika had made it clear that Lucious' presence was neither requested nor required at her upcoming nuptials.

"She got some nerve! If she can't invite then I'm not going either." She felt like a child for even saying it.

Lucious took the RSVP card out of her hand and looked it over. "No...go to the wedding. Show her that it doesn't get better than the Lyons."

Initially she held firm and was adamant about not going. She wasn't a glutton for punishment and the thought of Anika getting married made her physically sick. Jamal, whom Anika also invited, offered to forego his plus one in accompanying his mother since his father wasn't invited. He badgered her until she filled out the RSVP card and threw it at him with a command to put it in the mail on his way out.

She took a breath before blowing it out. _She_ was the one who let Anika go. She could attend her wedding. She could do it.

 _'I can't do this'_ Cookie thought as she made her way to the bridal suite where Anika was getting ready. She played with the ring on her right hand - a gift from Lucious shortly after they had gotten back together - and tried to will herself to open the door. Laughter from the other side of the door was loud but not inviting. Cookie wouldn't be welcomed to join in whatever joy the women were celebrating and she didn't think she would be able to fake it even if she was. _'Come on, girl. Get. It. Together. Just...open the damn door.'_ She did and quietly stepped into the room where Anika was puttering around the room making sure she had everything she needed to become a married woman.

Her bridesmaids in their dusty rose dresses which matched the lipstick shade Anika was wearing were either helping her with her checklist or capturing the moment on their cell phones. A photographer and videographer were set up in the corner capturing the scene as well. Anika's smile was impossibly large as her matron of honor handed Anika her bouquet. Orchids and peonies wrapped in a piece of lace from her grandmother's wedding dress - her something old - made up the bouquet. Bright fuchsia in a sea of dusty rose caught Anika's eye and she turned to see Cookie watching her get ready.

Her full-toothed smile became a smaller closed-mouthed one but the light in her eyes didn't leave as she met Cookie's gaze. Anika leaned over and whispered into her matron of honor's ear who looked over at Cookie with a face full of disgust. Cookie was tempted to give the bitch a reason to look at her crazy but soon enough the crowd exited the room until it was just the two of them. Cookie met eyes with a few of the maids as they left the room and matched their glares with one of her own. It took everything in her not to trip or elbow one or three, especially the matron of honor, as they filed out of the room.

The door closed with a small click and Cookie turned back to Anika. The Amsale gown she was wearing fit Anika like a glove and the jewels adorning her ears, neck, and hair sparkled in the early afternoon light. Her shoes are at the foot of the bed and Cookie smiled to herself. Anika refused to wear heels until the moment she absolutely had to which meant she often walked around in socks, stockings, or barefoot at home or alone in her office.

"I didn't think you'd come," she heard Anika say which broke her out of her reverie.

"You invited me." It's not the answer Anika was looking for and Cookie doesn't think she has it in her to give her anything else. Even being in the same room was enough.

"I'm happy you're here," Anika says as she sits at the vanity facing away from the mirror. Cookie moved closer to the bed which is near the vanity but remained standing.

"Hmmm," is the sound that leaves her and it is as noncommittal as Cookie wants to feel.

"I know you may not believe me but I really am-"

"Why did you invite me?" The words are out before Anika has a chance to finish her statement.

"I thought...Cookie, you broke my heart. You told me right before I left that we weren't forever and you wanted me to find mine. I did and I wanted you to be here."

"You invited me to rub it in my face?"

Anika frowns for the first time since Cookie entered the room.

"No! I found my forever, the forever that you pushed me away for. I just wanted you to know that I have mine now. I actually wanted to thank you. You tore my world apart but if you hadn't...I wouldn't have found him. I hoped you would happy for me, but I guess that's too much for you."

The pain she felt when she first received the invitation resurfaces. Cookie closed her eyes and took in a breath, partly to ease the pain in her chest and partly to remove herself from the truth of Anika's words. The entirety of her relationship with Anika flashed before her eyes. While she didn't intend on making a life or home with Anika she loved her and that had to count for something. She supposed it did until Cookie's forever had decided that he needed his back and ultimately, Cookie couldn't deny him. He was her heartbeat, after all.

And neither could Anika. Which was why she was sitting in front of Cookie looking more beautiful than she could imagine moments before she was about to declare her forever, til death do them part. She shifted from foot to foot before opening her eyes and asking a question she already knew the answer to.

"Are you happy?"

Anika's eyes twinkled and her smile returned, "I am." Cookie believed her. The smile that formed as she blinked back tears and nodded is purely because she has to. If Anika wants to believe that the tears forming in Cookie's eyes are because she's happy for her then Cookie will let her believe just that. She's not here to stop Anika's wedding, after all, even if she was hoping to hear that Anika was just as unhappy without her as Cookie was without Anika. Her heart may have beat for Lucious but it still ached for Anika.

"Help me into my shoes?" Anika stood up and walked towards the bed where her shoes were sitting prettily. Cookie held out her hand and once Anika held onto it, she steadied her as the bride-to-be stepped into her heels. Once Anika was securely in her Jimmy Choo pumps, Cookie watched as Anika gave herself a once-over in the mirror a final time before looking towards the door.

It was time.

Cookie walked Anika to the door and just before Anika opened it to join her forever, Cookie placed her hand over Anika's wrist. She fixed the slightly crooked crystal flower that adorned her hair before letting it fall to her hand. She let her lips meet the corner of Anika's mouth a final time. Anika's smile softened and the light in her eyes dimmed a little before Cookie opened the door for her. The light in her eyes returned and Anika went to stand by her bridal party while Cookie went to sit with Jamal in the ballroom where the wedding would be taking place.

Anika's soon-to-be husband and the officiant were already waiting under the floral arch for the rest of the wedding party once Cookie found Jamal. Soon enough music began playing and the rest of the bridal party walked in ahead of Anika who was holding onto her father's arm. Looking at the guests while walking towards her forever, Anika looked towards Jamal and Cookie and nodded once before facing forward and smiling that impossibly large smile. Jamal took his mother's hand in his without a word and Cookie leaned into her middle son gratefully.

She had made it through the vows but by the time the officiant had introduced Mr. and Mrs. Lucas she couldn't watch anymore. Cookie silently rose from her seat and whispered to Jamal that she wasn't feeling well and would be going home. With a silent plea to stay and one last look at Anika before she kissed her new husband for the second time, she slipped out of the hotel and caught a cab home. She found Lucious in his music room once she made it back. Walking over to him, Cookie raised her dress and settled herself on his lap.

"You're home early," Lucious said as he felt himself getting hard as Cookie rubbed against him. She didn't give him a response but bit his earlobe hard as she rocked against him in an attempt to get him hard enough to enter her. It works and soon enough she's on her back on top of the piano as he reminds her of the vow they made so many years ago. It's a temporary distraction because later that night, she's in bed next to him and Anika is on her mind.

As she lays next to her forever, she imagines Anika with hers. Anika is happy and Cookie wants, _needs_ to be happy for her but it's hard. It's not that she thinks Anika doesn't deserve to be happy; Anika deserved to have someone love her the way she deserves to be. She just hates the thought of someone else loving her. It's a selfish thought, especially since it was her actions that brought them to this place, but she doesn't care. She should probably feel ashamed for thinking about Anika while lying next to Lucious but she doesn't. It wouldn't change anything. Anika was happy without her.

And she was jealous.


End file.
